What a Year!

It is amazing how things can change over a year!  Almost 1 year ago is when my herniated disk took me out!  Yes, I said took me out!  The whole month of March I was flat out on my back, I could barely go to the bathroom by myself.  I eventually found a doctor that was willing to help me instead of just give me narcotics.  I did about 5 months of physical therapy along with 2 epidural injections, which did help.  I still have pain, but I may the rest of my life.  I just keep trying to be active and stretch so it doesn’t get locked up again.

In November of last year I was told I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I wasn’t sure what that meant or what to do about it.  I did some searching and found out my hormones are not working like they should.  Also, I am insulin resistant, meaning I am pre-diabetic.  Wow, pretty crazy stuff when I thought I was pretty healthy except for my thyroid issues.  My dr. started me on Metformin to help with the insulin levels and to help me ovulate to regulate my bleeding. 

Well, after being on Metformin for about 2 months I found out we were expecting number 4!  We were so excited!  I had my first OB appointment when I was about 9 weeks along.  After that first visit things didn’t seem right to me.  I started having some spotting and bleeding.  A few days later that initial visit the dr. ordered an ultrasound to see what was going on, that was on a Friday.  As we got to the hospital, I was very nervous.  Having twins I have had many ultrasounds and when they started I told my husband it doesn’t look right.  They sent me home with no answers, but we stopped over at the OB clinic.  The on-call dr. said he would check my results and call me.  Within an hour he called saying the baby looked to only be about 7 weeks and they couldn’t find a heart beat.  So he orded me labs to check my quant. hcg levels.  If they go up that is a good sign he said!  So my levels on Friday were 15,000 and then on Sunday 18,000.  So we thought that everything was going to be ok, but on Monday I started bleeding again.  Tuesday I had another quant hcg test and ultrasound and my numbers were back down to 15,000 and they confirmed there was no heart beat.  We had lost the baby! 

All I remember when they told us in the ultrasound room was overwhelming saddness for this little baby I will never meet here on earth.  I started crying and shaking!  I know that God is in control of everything and that He will not give me anything I can not handle.  We decided to have the D/S the next day.

The first few days I cried alot and hugged my kids over and over!  I don’t know why this happened, but I do know that someday I will get to hold my little Angel baby in heaven!  Since this happened I have realized that my PCOS condition can eventually lead to type 2 diabetes and heart disease.  I gained about 30 pounds last year when I was eating very strict.  Gaining weight is a side efffect of PCOS and losing weight is extremely difficult. 

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  Why this happened to me, I don’t know for sure.  But I do know that this tiny baby I have yet to meet may have saved my life.  I have rejoined Weight Watchers and have been active most days to help me regain my health.  I know that if I want to be able to be here for the children I have now, I MUST do something to change.  I see my dr. tomorrow to discuss what to do next.  I am hoping to find a good endocrinologist too. 

If you have suffered the same loss, I know the feeling of loss you have.  I encourage you to stay close to God during those times.  He is holding your right hand through it all! 

I kept praying that God would bless us with a healthy baby, but sometime are blessing come in a different form.  I keep thinking of this song!